Sketchbook Vol.2 (Moleskine)

February- November 2006

This sketchbook holds a lot of transitions for me: my second and final year of art school, the death of my mom, and my foray into the world of painting commissions. The passing of my mom is a multidimensional pivoting point in my life. I was mostly raised by my mom, with my grandmother taking on the first officer's role.

This loss was the most tragic and scary thing that had ever happened to me. Being just 21 years old when it happened, I didn't know how to deal with it. It shattered me in so many ways. I spent the following years trying to figure out how to put myself back together again. not all the pieces fit together quite right. So I tried to get comfortable with the new version of myself.

At the end of this sketchbook, on a page that I didn't include here, I wrote:

"I feel like adulthood has come upon me with the force of a falling piano. I just hope I find a way to always be a kid."

I'm still trying. its not an easy task.

Materials used:

Moleskine Notebook, Radiograph 3x0/.25, Parker ballpoint pen, Pentel Pocket Brush Pen, Whiteout pen, Graphite pencil (probably 2B), Dental floss.1 Stamp, The end of a tea bag, stickers from “In n Out Burger”, colored pencils.

Above: A drawing of my charming friend Brian, looking less than charming. on the following page is a drawing I copied from the art book of Carlos Huante. When I moved back to the Bay Area from Boston, I lost all my art books in the mail. I replaced what I thought were all of them, but this particular book slipped through the cracks and I haven't seen a copy since.

Above: This page holds a lot of little snippets. I finally found a Parker Pentel Pocket Brush Pen, which I had been hunting for since Craig Thompson mentioned them in his book "Carnet de Voyage." Included here is also a drawing from "Blankets" by Craig Thompson, a book that blew my young mind. There's a quote from Egon Schiele, whom I was enamored with back then. Additionally, there are other doodles and notes reflecting my life in art school.

Above: Some copies from Egon Schiele's exhibit that I saw in New York. It was only my second time ever visiting the Big Apple, the first being when I visited my then-girlfriend who was living in an insane squat in the Bronx. They stumbled upon a room filled with baby sharks in formaldehyde.

There's also a sketch I did while sitting in the lecture hall of the Museum of Fine Arts, watching a screening and Q&A by Jean-Pierre Jeunet of "Amelie" fame. I was living the life of an art student but probably not appreciating it as much as I should have.

Above: An assortment of random cafe drawings. There's a drawing of my ever-present shoulder bag, which unfortunately broke. For a while, I resorted to using a welded piece of wire to hold it together, but eventually, I broke down and got a new one. I have a slight obsession with these types of bags and was always on the look out for the “right one” I know own it.

On the next page, there's some stitching done to obscure something that I was probably embarrassed about.

Above: I drew these from some magazine, Something about fucking with the commodification of the female body, distorting the faces while keeping it an add felt compelling. It makes me feel sleazy and I think thats what I was going for.

Above: A Bunch of porn star portraits, and two girls I had crushes on. Weird there on the same page. lets mot dwell on that to much.

Above: This page represents the most sudden and radical shift in my life. Before this page, my mom was a woman I loved dearly, struggling with the challenges of breast cancer. After this page, she was gone.

Above: I’m not sure the image of a Russian Thug taking uncle sam from behind is some thing gm I would draw in my current sketchbook but there you go. I believe its actually copied from Slop Analecta, which i mentioned in my previous post. the other drawings on this page where seeds for some future paintings and deffined how I painted for a while.

Above: Some of the drawings on this page have a Charles Burns vibe. I think I read "Black Hole" around this time. His work is stunning; what a way with black. The bottom was a study for the background of a giant portrait commission I was working on at the time. It was 6'x4', the biggest painting I had done up to that point and still one of the biggest I have ever done. This painting ended up getting me a fair bit of subsequent portrait work. I even sent myself to Europe with what I got for one of the commissions. I wasn't paying rent yet, so I had very little overhead.

Above: A quote from "The Tick" animated TV series, a man with a sextant, and another porn star portrait.

Above: The portraits on this page were done using my mom's old high school yearbooks. The speech bubbles contain their senior quotes. There's something both inspiring and embarrassing about the potential that a high school senior holds. Looking back, I realize that I was mining my mom's life for scraps of her to hold onto, although I didn't consciously think about it at the time.

Oof, that one took it out of me a little. I think I need to do a few fewer pages per post. Or, maybe it's talking about crushing loss and grief. Yeah, that's probably it.

You can check out my video walkthrough here

Thanks again for taking a look.

-Aaron